life's reflections

Resolutions?

2010-12-29T16:38:00.003-05:00

Well, it is that time of year again when we feel the need to reflect on the past year and look forward to the new one. I've been thinking a lot lately about this past year and the problems and issues. It hasn't been the greatest year, it probably is one of the worst as far as life and my attitude towards life goes. I've decided that I will change this year. I will lose weight. I will run regularly. I will have better relationships with my friends and family. I will be a better wife, mom, daughter, niece, granddaughter friend and teacher. I will finally get this house how it needs to be. I will have a better relationship with God.

Everything hinges on the last two things that I mentioned. This house is my achilles heel. This house feels like the world and I am Atlas trying to carry it on my shoulders. All of the junk, the clothes, the toys, the books. The clutter, the nastiness, the disorganization, the WASTE!!!!

I feel like my life is being wasted because of this house. It is preventing me from doing the rest. I have to get this done!!!! I must get this done. I must change!!!!

I took a bunch of pictures of the house. I also found pictures of me and my family (both good pictures and bad pictures). I created a motivation folder on my computer and every time I feel unmotivated, every time I say I can't do it, I will look at these pics and say to myself - are you satisfied with this or do you want something better? I want something better and I will do whatever I can to get it done.

JOY!!!

2010-12-18T09:42:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking a lot over the past couple of days (since school is out for Christmas Break). I've been thinking about my family and about what I have and about what I've done and I have come to realize that I do have joy, I just don't think about it.I tend to focus on the negative(and goodness knows there is enough of that) instead of the positive.

I have three beautiful daughters.

Maddie is 13 and growing up in her own individual way, she always marches to the beat of her own drummer. She is unique and confident in her uniqueness. She doesn't care what people think about her, she is comfortable in her own skin. She is creative and intelligent. She's an honor roll student and is fiercely loyal to her friends and family.

Alana is 7 and she is the sweetest little thing. She is a helper. She wants to help everyone (except maybe helping her sisters clean up). She is my mini-me. She wants to be like me (at least right now she does). She loves order. She is compassionate and friendly. She is studious and loves school. She is an artist. She loves taking pictures.She has a beautiful smile that absolutely lights up the room that she is in.

Seanna is 4 and is my adventurer. Every day is a new experience. Whether it is exploring the back yard or woods or creating a master piece of art on the wall when we aren't looking, she is always active, always creating. She is also an artist. She loves to draw (on everything including herself). She is creative, she drew on herself this week and said it was Indian War Paint. She has JOY in everything from the snow that fell earlier this week to putting up the Christmas tree to cuddling with me. She loves and trusts in an uninhibited way.

I have a wonderful husband.

Yes, Kirby is wonderful although he drives me craze sometimes. I take him for grated sometimes. He stopped going to college so I could finish and then he stays at home so our children can have someone at home to get them to school and is there when they come home. He is there to take care of Seanna while I'm working. He has a ministry that helps people who are typically rejected by the typical church and he has an online ministry that reaches out to the unsaved on the world wide web. True, he doesn't usually do what I ask him to do while I'm at school like tidying up and washing clothes but he does try to remember to do that occasionally.

I have a wonderful life.

I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, a car that mostly works even though it is 10 years old and has a few dents. I have a job that I like and a coaching assignment that I LOVE! I have my family at home and my family at school with all 70 kids that I currently teach (with 70 more next semester).

Most importantly, I have a Lord that loved me enough to die for my sins and open up heaven to me so that I may have eternal life and joy.

Circumstances may be hard and try to steal my joy. There is not enough money to go around and I worry about things that are both within and outside of my control. I worry that my house will never be fully cleaned and organized. BUT I have joy in my heart and peace in the fact that God loves me and looks out for me and is there for me in both good times and bad.

Be JOYFUL!

The Road

2010-12-09T22:38:00.002-05:00

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 2

This is one of my favorite poems. Life is all about choice. What do we choose to do with our lives on a daily basis.I have made so many choices in my life. Some choices were bad, some were good. Over the past ten years, I have tried to focus on choices that would lead me along the Road to Christ. I sometimes feel like I have not succeeded very well in pursuing that road. I want to have a better life. I want to have a more personal relationship with the Lord. I want that so badly because I feel like that will lead me to have a better relationship with my husband, my daughters, my family and my friends. I just wish, hope and pray that my life would stop interfering with the life I want to have. I feel like I am stuck in a rut in the middle of the Road. I could always go back where I came from or I can try to get out of the rut and continue to pursue my Road. God, please help me pursue the Road that leads to your Way, the only Way. Amen!

My Relationship with God

2010-11-28T15:11:00.002-05:00

Today at church (www.commonwealthchapel.com), my pastor, greatly challenged my heart. Today's message was about Hope and how advent, which begins today is the season of Hope, leading up to the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. It got me thinking off on so many different tangents. I got to thinking, do I have hope? Where is my hope placed? The illustration that he used came from the book of Isaiah 11:1-10. It says, "

1 A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD—
3 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.
He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
or decide by what he hears with his ears;
4 but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
5 Righteousness will be his belt
and faithfulness the sash around his waist.
6 The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling[a] together;
and a little child will lead them.
7 The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
8 The infant will play near the cobra’s den,
the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest.
9 They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the LORD
as the waters cover the sea.
10 In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his resting place will be glorious. "

This passage is about the hope that comes with the Kingdom of God. I feel as though that I am not a member of that Kingdom at times. I feel like I do not have my roots in the Lord. I am a stump and my roots have withered. I believe in God, I believe that the Lord Jesus died for my sins.

However, I believe that in the kingdom of God , I am the very least. I don't pray regularly, I don't read the Bible regularly and lately I have not even been going to church lately. I am financially at my wits end, we have not money, not even enough to pay the bills. Part of the reason that we haven't gone to church very much is because we don't have the gas money. I look around at the people at church and their lives seem so perfect, so content. Surely the Kingdom of God is with them, I just don't see it with me.

We have no money, we are majorly in debt, our house is worth less than we are paying, we can't use half of our house because it is crammed full of junk that we will never use, we are disorganized, I got a pay cut at work, my oldest daughter has no real relationship with God, my middle daughter is struggling to see where she fits in, my youngest daughter still isn't fully potty trained and can't or won't get dressed herself and making her clean up after herself is like fighting a battle.

My relationship with my husband is not as strong as it needs to be. My relationship with my family is not what it needs to be and I have no real, close friends to just hang out with and talk too. I don't know how to socialize and interact with other people. I feel like I am not good enough for anything and that I am not interesting enough of a person to be anyone's real friend - not that I would know what that feels like. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I feel so worn down that HOPE has left me long ago. I do not feel the hope of the Kingdom of God. I want too feel the hope, I want my life to be better, I want the lives of my children to be better, I want a richer and stronger relationship with my husband but I don't know how to achieve that end.

How do I get hope? How can I feel the love of God's kingdom? How can I be a better wife, mother, daughter and friend? I really don't know. I don't feel hope - I feel lost.

Wow

2010-07-07T20:54:00.000-04:00

I can't believe that it has been almost a year since I've blogged. I would like to become a regular blogger but I haven't figured out exactly how I'll be doing that yet. I'll try and see. This week is Vacation Bible School. I'm helping out with the 1st graders. They are so cute. The kids are learning about their talents. It is fun helping them out. Alana's talent is definitely art. Madison's is probably evangelism and Seanna - well, I have no idea yet.

Last week were were at Creation Fest. It was AWESOME. The music was great, the teaching was great but I didn't feel very focused on God. I was too busy taking care of everyone, cooking and making sure we had everything that we needed.

I want to focus more on God and then just maybe, my life will start to get better. Right now I feel kinda bummed. I feel like I can't focus on anything because I'm focused on everything. I've been living the same, wretched way for 5 years now and I can't seem to get a breakthrough. I feel like I can't get rid of the chains that are holding me down. I pray for the GRACE of God to set me free from these chains.

I will BLOG

2009-09-17T22:29:00.000-04:00

My goal is to blog once a week, let's see if I can do it.

Our Lovely Wonderful Government

2009-09-17T22:24:00.000-04:00

Dear World, more specifically Dear USA.

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up and demand real change before the world that we though we knew is over and ended. Demand reform in the healthcare system not more government control. Demand more accountability from our government. Demand that the members of Congress actually READ EACH AND EVERY bill BEFORE voting on it and to make sure that they read it, read it again out loud to Congress before the vote on it. Get rid of all of these unneeded government positions that will slowly zap what little privacy we have left away from us. Demand that the Congress, President and Courts stays out of our lives, our health, our money and definitely out of the actual government as much as possible. In fact lets go back to a part time Congress when they were only in session for half the year. I want my county back.

2009-07-14T12:00:00.001-04:00

I have a new computer, maybe I will actually blog more since it has a blog writer thingy.

Yes, It is that time of year again!

2007-12-21T23:27:00.000-05:00

It's Christmas time, "the most wonderful time of the year!"? I have had a difficult time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Usually I am all for everything that has to do with Christmas. It just seems to be blah for me this year. My husband and I have finished most of our Christmas shopping. We finally put up our tree yesterday. We attempted to put up lights today but we need to buy a couple more strings. I've been listening to Christmas music and looking at the beautiful Christmas lights but it seems so completely and uttterly pointless this year. I guess I'm having a "Blue Christmas". I guess maybe it is the craziness of it all. Going to see everyone, buying presents for everyone, the wrapping, the Christmas cards, the lights, the spending way too much money. It is just so nutty. I wish that people would celebrate Christmas more simply. Like parents giving their children only one or two presents. Like not having to have the best and biggest and most perfect gift for everyone. Stop rushing and slow down. Stop and smile to the people at the stores. Be more grateful for what your have and more giving to those who do not have it. Instead of buying presents for everyone, go out and buy shoes for someone whose shoes are worn out or a hot meal for the panhandler on the corner and actually sit down and eat that meal with him. This is the time of year to celebrate the greatest gift of all, the gift of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, born in a humble stable, with animals all around, sent to save a world that didn't want to be saved.

I'm a bad blogger : (

2007-12-06T22:05:00.000-05:00

I'm a bad blogger. I have not blogged since August. I don't know what's worse. Me not writing anything in forever or the people who blog every day, several times a day. Why do people want to blog so much. It isn't as if we are going to change the world. For that to happen people would actually have to read this stuff. Think about it. Is anyone actually reading this ? Does it even matter? Blogs, myspace (even I have a myspace), facebook, etc are nothing but a voyeuristic creation of the me generation. The same generation that cares about self first and everyone and everything else second. IF anyone actually reads this please comment so that I know that this isn't a total waste of self-indulgent time.

Life is never what your truely expect it to be

2007-08-08T14:16:00.000-04:00

Life has a bad habit of throwing curve balls at you. Prime example, this summer was supposed to be THE SUMMER TO GET IT ALL TOGETHER. We were going to finally get the entire house together and organized. We were going to have the office organized. We were going to have a wonderful outside front and back yard. we were going to get up early every day and do all of this stuff and spend good quality time with the girls. This summer was going to be perfect. Here is how it truly turned out. 1 - I did get the whole house pretty well organized EXCEPT FOR THE DOWNSTAIRS DEN, THE OFFICE AND THE UTILITY ROOM. Not too bad and I still have a week to maybe get that done. The front yard doesn't look too bad, although I need to cut down those two pines and trim back the azaleas before they go wild on me and the side yards could use a little work. The back yard is another story. There is stuff everywhere. The grass needs to be cut, the fence needs to be cemented in, the garden (that has barely produced anything other than plants and no fruit) needs to be severely attended to (weeds and overgrowth) and the grapes need to be cut back so maybe we will actually be able to harvest next year. We did go to Busch Gardens twice and we went to the campground with the girls. I took them to Maymont once. We played some but it still wasn't the quality time that I had envisioned. I've been out of school since June 8th and here it is, two months to the day later, on August 8th, that I am reflecting upon this summer and I feel as though I wasted too much time. Next week I need to go to school at least one day but I'll probably end up going twice and the week after that it is back to school full time. Where has the summer gone and how can I get it back? I am vowing now that in the time that I have left before I go to school, beginning tomorrow, I will get finished what I need to finish, whether it is 101 (like today) or 81 degrees outside. That way, I can enjoy my evenings and weekends with my family and friends. I'm tired of this house being an idol in my life!!! CHANGE MUST HAPPEN AND IT MUST HAPPEN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life

2007-07-07T10:37:00.000-04:00

You know, sometimes life passes by so quickly. Madison is already going into 4th grade. I remember her first day of school. She was wearing a purple plaid skirt and cute little white top that matched. She was so proud carrying her huge pink backpack with her name sign pinned on her shirt. She was so little and innocent. Now she is almost 10 and beginning to act like a preteen. We still have girls night every Friday night. I started girls night when I was pregnant with Alana so Madison would still feel special and not jealous of her new baby sister coming. Alana has joined us for most of girls night but she goes to bed early. I'm sure Seanna will join us when she gets to be about 3 years old but by then Madison might not want to have girls night anymore. Last night we watched Annie. The girls have never seen it. Annie was one of my favorites when I was little. We watched it and they loved it. Even Alana, who is 4 years old, sat still through the entire movie and said she loved it when it was over. I think that maybe next week we will play some games or maybe paint nails or do hair. My little girls are so precious to me. Watching them grow from an entirely dependent little infant whose entire world revolves around her and you to a toddler exploring her surroundings for the first time to a preschooler who wants to know the who, what, where, when, why and how of everything to a child playing with Barbies and baby dolls and my little ponies to a preteen beginning to worry about how she looks and what her friends think of her is such a wonderful experience. I'm sure that the teenage years will bring their own set of challenges. I still can't believe that God entrusted me to the upbringing and care and love of three of His most beautiful creations. I feel truly blessed to have them. Every hig, every kiss and even every tear is like sweet nectar to me. All to soon those little blessings of life will be only a memory of these sweet days of childhood and I will keep each and every one of those memories close to my heart.

I really haven't blogged since February . . . OOPS

2007-05-28T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, it is Memorial Day. It is the day that has been set aside to remember our veterans and our fallen heroes - our soldiers. It is a day to spend time with friends and family, grilling outside and celebrating the unofficial start to summer. I've had a very lazy weekend. On Saturday I did a few things around the house - not much and we went to Commonwealth Chapel ( http://www.comchap.com ). We spent all day Sunday at the Upper Mattaponi Pow Wow. I got quite a burn on my face and neck. (OUCH). It's funny, I put sun screen on everyone but me (OOPS). Today, I slept in as long as the girls would let me. I checked my email. I cruised on the net for awhile while drinking my coffee. Now I'm blogging to catch up anyone who is interested about my life. I decided that after the extreeme stress that I've been through for the past 2 months that I needed a break this weekend. I actually am RELAXING, a word that I thought was no longer in my vocabulary. So - time to catch up!!!!

March - Seanna started crawling, Had the Mardi Gras Dance at school (very big success), tried to review for SOLs with a collegue but my principal kept changing our schedule on a weekly basis, finished the yearbook at school - best ever created at ACMS

April - best part about April - Two Words - SPRING BREAK

May - Seanna started cruising then she took a couple of steps and she has cut her first tooth, SOL REVIEW, SOL REVIEW, SOL REVIEW, SOL REVIEW - Did I mention SOL REVIEW? Let's see, Seanna was also very sick, I've been sick, the requirements and demands of school made me so stressed out that I have had trouble eating, sleeping and it totally zapped me of energy. The last two weeks of school we have had SOL Testing and I have been stuck with the same 23 students for six hours a day for basically the last two weeks. Normally this wouldn't have been too much of a problem but when we were not testing I had to keep them quiet and busy. Can you imagine keeping 23 13 - 14 year olds quiet and occupied with SOL REVIEW piled on top of SOL REVIEW every day!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????

Present - I have EIGHT SCHOOL DAYS LEFT, not that I'm counting. My students get out of school next Thursday, I get out next Friday. This week I will be doing a project and makeup work. Next Monday, we go on the 8th grade trip and next Tuesday and Wednesday I putting my students to work helping me to clean up my room. We're also going to have a picnic, a movie and graduation practice. Graduation is at 10:00 am on Thursday. I'm hoping that the vast majority of our students will go home with their parents after graduation so that I can go back to school and finish my room.

My plan - This summer - We definately have to get the entire house together. I wanted to do it last summer but being pregnant kind of put a hold on it. We need to get it clean, organized and together and get into good habits about laundry and cleaning up or else next school year will be as bad as this year. It's funny, at school my classroom is completely organized and I even won the most organized teacher award this year but my house is a complete wreak. There are piles of laundry unwashed and piles of washed laundry unfolded. There are papers EVERYWHERE! There are toys and parts of toys EVERYWHERE! There are kid books EVERYWHERE! We can't use our downstairs den due to it being turned into a storage house. The junk needs to be cleaned up, sorted through and get rid of stuff that we aren't going to use. The kid play room can't be used because of the toys. The girls' bedroom can be used only for sleeping. The girls toys, books and clothes need to sorted through, organized and get rid of all of the extra stuff. Outside the grass needs to be cut, weeds need to be pulled, the yard needs to be cleaned up, ugly bushes need to be cut down, the fence needs to be cemented in and the junk in the backyard needs to be cleaned up, sorted through and organized. And I wat to get this all done between June 9 and July 9, one month. GOD HELP ME, I'm going to need it.

Being a Passionate Worshipper

2007-02-19T11:47:00.000-05:00

I have had a phenomenal weekend. One of the things that happened to me this weekend was that my outlook on how I worship Jesus has completely changed. For the past three weeks at church we have been in a series about how to worship. The first week of the series on worship, I raised my hands in worship for the first time without feeling weird. It was GREAT! You see, I was raised in a very traditional non charismatic church. That sort of thing was really weird. I have been trasforming into a closet charismatic over the past several years. I think that my trasformation is finally coming to fruition with this past weekend. Pastor Don Coleman talked about being a passionate worshipper. Worshipping God with all of your soul. Saying take all of me Lord. I have never truely done that. I've jammed out to some awesome worship music. I've listed to the worship. I've watched other people worship. I've even thought that I was worshipping. I have never focused solely on God during worship and made Him the focus. When I did that this past weekend I felt freed from chains. I was becoming a passionate worshipper.

Now, the season of Lent begins tomorrow. I've usually done things like give up chocolate or tv or stuff like that. This year I want to change my life during Lent. Lent is about focusing on Jesus and the sacrifice He made for me. I don't want to just give up something for Lent. I want to give up my life for Jesus. All of my life for the rest of my life. I want to live like Jesus wants me to live. I want Him to be by my side in everything that I do. I want to live like He is always looking over my shoulder. I'm going to use these forty days leading up to Easter to transform my life so that for the rest of my life I can better serve Him.

So I pray now that God, Jehovah, Lord, Jesus, gives me the strength and the wisdom to carry out His will and live in a way that is pleasing to Him. Help me to get my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual house in order so that I am not burdened and weighed down my the idols that are holding me back. I pray that I will continue to grow spiritually and continue to be a passionate worshipper. I pray this in the name of the Lord Jesus. AMEN!

Finding GOD in Star Wars

2007-02-03T11:42:00.000-05:00

I just had a revelation. I have seen books about and heard people talk about Finding God in Lord of the Rings. Well, you can find GOD in Star Wars too. Even though, Star Wars is based on Buddhism and Buddhism is a carbon copy of Christianity.

1. The Force - Is really the Holy Spirit
2. The Jedi - Christians fighting for the ultimate good - Jesus
3. Padawans - Christians just beginning to walk the Path of Jesus
4. The Empire - Satan's empire on Earth
5. The Rebel Alliance - God's people fighting against Satan's Influence on Earth
6. The Emperor - Satan
7. Anakiin / Luke Skywalker - Jesus sent to save His people

(not that Jesus ever turned evil, but Anakin's turning into Darth Vader and turning back into Anakin represents the death and resurrection of Jesus.)

If you look hard enough you can find GOD in everything you do.

Happy New Year

2006-12-31T19:14:00.000-05:00

Let's see, it's been a while since I've last posted. I went back to school, which has been a challenge. We had a very fun Halloween. I turned 28 on November 19. We had Thanksgiving at my mother in law's house. We have visited Montpelier, Fredericksburg and Tappahannock Virginia as well as Baltimore, Maryland in the past three weeks. Christmas was wonderful. The girls got a bunch of stuff that they wanted from Santa. Christmas Break from school has been fantastic. I've gotten a lot done but I have a lot more to do. I just wish that I didn't have to go back to school until I am completely finished all that needs to be done.

This has been a very challenging year for me. I had a new baby and that in itself is a challenge. I had to figure out how to balance having 3 children, my husband and my job responsibilities. I had to figure out and am still figuring out how to be department chair. My husband and I have been trying to get our spirtual house in order by attending and joining a new church. We got our financial house in order by refinancing our mortgage and consolidating our debts. Now we have to get our physical house in order which is well on its way (I just hope that the trend continues). I have a lot that I want to work on personally this upcoming year. However, I feel that God has been testing us this past year, preparing us for next year. 2007 will be a very good year. Here are my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Get to know God better.
2. Read the Bible and Pray daily.
3. Spend more quality time with my husband, children, parents, brother, sister in law and niece.
4. Be a better Christian, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, granddaughter and parent.
5. Get more involved with Church.
6. Get to know more people, especially the people at Church better.
7. Break out of my shell and be more outgoing.
8. Get the entire house, inside and outside as clean and organized as it can possibly be.
9. Get into good habits.
10. Walk the dogs everyday.
11. Play with my pets more.
12. Run at least 5 times a week.
13. Be a better teacher and collegue.
14. Relax more.
15. Not waste so much time.
16. Get in shape.
17. Lose 15 pounds.
18. Eat better.
19. Sleep better.
20. Pursue my dreams and hobbies more.

Another year behind, a new year ahead. New Year's Day, January 1, is a day like any other. It has 24 hours. People need to work. People need to eat. People do things that they do every day. So waht is so special about a new year. Well, every new year results in new ideas, new resolutions and new ways of doing things. It is a period of renewal. I want to encourage anyone who reads this not only to create their new years resolutions but also a new life resolution. Take the chance of becoming a new person. However, do not let your resolutions fall by the wayside. If you fall back on your resolutions do not lose heart, just use the next day to renew your resolution. You don't need to wait for the next new year to begin anew. You can begin the next day, hour, minute or second. Proverbs chapter 3, verses5-6, "trust in the Lord and He will make your paths straight"

My Idyll Is Almost Over

2006-10-09T09:11:00.000-04:00

Exactly one week from today I will be teaching my first class since June. Actually, I will be doing it at this exact time. Where has the summer gone? I didn't do half of the stuff that I wanted to do but being pregnant will do that to you. Our house is still a wreck. Our yard looks nice. I have had so much fun and good quality time with my family. It is going to be very hard to go back to school and leave them here. It won't be that big of a deal with Maddie since she's in school all day anyway but I will miss getting her ready for school and doing her hair and watching her wait for the bus while I'm drinking my coffee. It will be extreemely hard for Alana and Seanna. Alana has completely enjoyed my being home. We've played together and made lunches together and we've just been together. It has filled me with so much joy. It has made her happy too. Then there's little Seanna. I don't want to leave her. She's still nursing so she does literally need me. I'm going to pump milk at work and rush home as soon as I can so I can be with her, so I can be with all of them. It is so hard to leave someone so new and so precious. It makes me wish that my family were in a financial situation where I could stay home and work from home and send my husband off to work but unfortunately I make more money since I have a graduate degree so therefore I must work (at least for now).

I'm going to have a busy week this week. Tomorrow and Thursday I need to go to school for ACE. Tomorrow I'm going to be trained as a Girl Scout Leader. Today I'm going to hang out with my sister in law and niece for a little while and on Wednesday I'm going to hang with my best friend Ally. On Friday I need to go to school to meet with my sub and get updated on where everything is at and I need to re-organize my room. Between appointments I want to get the entire upstairs spic n span, all of the laundry done, switch the girls clothes from summer to fall/winter, get all of the bedrooms, especially the girls' bedrooms, clean and organized and last but not least get the utility room and part of the downstairs den clean.

I need to get all of this done because once I get back to school I need to deal with ACE, Yearbook, Grades, Lesson Plans, Review, Department Chair stuff, Etc. I want everything at home and at school to be in order so that I can come home as soon as possible and be with my family. Unless I have a meeting, activity or need to make copies I'm going to leave school at 3:30 each day. I'm going to try to be at school no later than 7:30 each day so I can get stuff done in the morning before school. I'm going to be getting up at 5 am every morning so I can feed Seanna, read my Bible, run, shower, eat breakfast while feeding Seanna again and leave the house by 6:45 am. I pray that the Lord will give me the strength that I need to get it done.

Catch Up

2006-09-27T10:40:00.000-04:00

Has it really been over a month since I last Blogged? August and Spetember have flown by so fast. Seanna was born August 21st. She is a wonderful and delightful baby. I couldn't ask for a better baby, but I breed only good babies. She is so different from her sisters. Madison was always very inquisitive and quiet when she was a baby but once she became a toddler she never was quiet ever again. Alana is into everything and it very goofy and likes to make people laugh. Seanna seems to just be happy, extreemly happy and content in her little world. I think that out of the three that she will be the most reserved and quiet but helpful and happy. All of my girls are so smart. That is the one thing that they definately have in common. Life is going by so fast but then September through about January always go by very fast. What else have I been up too, let's see. Well, I've been to Baltimore twice since Seanna was born to see my Grandmothers and Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and their Children. I've been going to school twice a week for ACE practice and keeping tabs on my substitute, I've been constantly either cleaning, doing laundry, taking care of the girls or nursing Seanna. It seems like every moment of every day has been filled with something. Kirby and I attended Leadership Family Meetings at Commonwealth Chapel so we could officially join the Church. We get welcomed officially into the congregation this Saturday. We'll be going to the State Fair a lot over the next week and a half. We'll also be putting the finishing touches on getting the house together before I go back to school on October 16th. That gives me only 2 1/2 weeks before I have to leave my girls and go back to work. That is going to be so hard. I've been enjoying hanging out with Alana during the day and getting Madison off to school and being with Seanna. I wish our situation enabled me to stay at home with them all of the time. I will miss them. However, I also love teaching and I cannot wait until I dive into teaching again. I love being with my students and teaching them new things and trying to reach the students that are hard to reach. I love the challenge of teaching and I love the challenge of motherhood. I want to be at both places at the same time but that just is not possible. Life is so good and so challenging. There is so much to life and so much joy in life. Life!!

TIME!!!!!!

2006-08-14T22:06:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately, dangerous, I know. I really wish that I had more time in each day. There is so much that I want to do but the day just isn't long enough. I don't have the time that I need. I want to spend deep, romantic and intellectual time with Kirby. I want to spend time with Madison and Alana and Seanna (when she gets here). I'm talking good quality time not just watching tv or somthing like that. I want to clean my house so that my family has a nice, clean place to live in. I want time to help my husband Kirby do yardwork and get the outside junk organized and clean. I want to help Kirby get the downstairs den, the office and the utlity room usable again. I want to do house stuff like finishing cementing in the fence posts, powerwaching the house and deck and cleaning out the gutters and making the yard nice and tidy. I want to be able to devote as much time as possible to my school work and help my students pass the SOL test with at least a 85 percent. I want to get more involved at my church and meet people and get deeply involved with my church's mission in Richmond. I want to get to know God on a deeper and more intimate level. I want to get to know my friends better. I want to spend more time with my Mom and Dad and Brother and Sister in Law and my little Niece. I use to write poetry when I was in high school. I loved to write poetry. I want to start writing again. I want to explore my hobbies more. I want to get better at photography. I want to learn how to sew, crochet and quilt. I want to learn outdoor survival skills. I want to learn how to draw and paint. I want to make scrapbooks. There is just so much I want to do but there is no time (or money). TIME!!!!!!! Such a short word with so much behind it. How can people say that they are bored with life?! How can people say that there is nothing to do. I have so much that I want to do that it drives me insane. I want to do and experience so much but there is just no time. For everything there is a season (turn, turn, turn). My children will be little for only so much TIME. I need to make sure that I make TIME for them. My husband and I have a lifeTIME together to really explore each other and our feelings and who we are. My family is the only one that I have and I need to make a better effort at making more TIME for them. I need to get more involved with GOD and Church because the TIME for that is also now. Everything needs so much TIME! TIME is the one thing I never seem to have enough of.

A tease

2006-08-11T09:49:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, today and I think for the next couple of days Richmond, Virginia we are getting teased. You see, I hate summer weather, especially summer weather in Virginia. In Virginia the summer is very hot, very hazy and very humid. I much prefer the nice warm but not humid days of September and October. I love the cool and crisp days of November and December. I even like the cold days of January through early March. I can even take the days up until about mid-May. Once mid-May gets here so does the humidity and the beginning of the oppressive heat. Do you realize that we have had at least 10 above 100 degree days in Virginia over the past month? This heat wave has been sickening. I'm going to thoroughly enjoy the next couple of days because on Monday 90 degree temperatures and high humidity return. These 80 some degree tempweratures during the day and low 60s at night remind me of those wonderful days in late September and going to the State Fair or the mountains or apple picking. It can't get here soon enough and then once it does get here it dissapears in a few weeks. I wish that I could find a place in the world where it is in the upper 70s and low 80s every day of the year and in the upper 50s and lower 60s every night. If such a heaven exists please let me know where in the world it is.

Vacation from Vacation

2006-07-24T17:15:00.000-04:00

I need a vacation from my vacation. We just spent the weekend at Wilderness Campground Resort in Fredericksburg, VA. We are on a tight budget so we didn't have much of a vacation but we packed the weekend with as much as possible. We went swimming, did crafts, played games, went to playgrounds, had cookouts and even had a campfire and made smores. Needless to say the girls had fun but I am worn out. Doing all of this stuff and being 36 weeks pregnant can wear a person out, especially since we did it in only 2 days. We came home today and after I unpacked I took a nice, long nap. You don't realize how much you miss your own bed until you've slept on a crappy mattress for 3 nights. Now all I have to do is get ready for school ans Seanna, both of which will be arriving in less than a month.

This Week In My Life

2006-07-21T09:20:00.000-04:00

This week in my life has been very interesting. I learned a lot from the SOL Conference that I attended and I'll be able to apply what I've learned to my teaching and assessments. My beautiful daughters have been gone all week and I realized how much I missed them when they came home yesterday. They have been in Tappahannock visiting their grandparents. The house has been so quiet and empty without them. When they came home it was like an explosion at my house. Don't get me wrong, it was nice having some time with Kirby. We got to spend more time together this week than we have in a long time. We definately had some high quality time together. I missed the girls. I missed getting them ready for bed and playing with them and reading to them. It was very sweet putting them in bed last night. You realize when you have kids that they do take up a large portion of your life. They need so much care and love and guidance but they are only with you in this dependent capacity for a very short period of time. They grow up so fast. Madison is almost 9 and she'll be going to 3rd grade this year. I remember when she was a goofy 3 year old playing dress up or a little sick baby with an ear infection or a little preschooler who had a nightmare. She is so grown up now. She calls herself a pre pre-teen. Then there's little Alana who is already 3 although it seems like just yesterday when we brought her home from the hospital. She is so active and curious about everything. She is the sweetest little girl. Life flys by way too fast.

Teaching

2006-07-18T17:17:00.000-04:00

I teach middle school social studies. This summer I'm on a committee reviewing our standardized test called the SOL. It is a lot of hard work and is very hard to understand the amount of detail, levels and information involved in doing this and creating and verifying what is on this test. I just wish that other teachers, parents and students could see the amount of work we are doing and stop complaining about the SOL test. I have a much better appreciation of the detail that goes into the test making process, I just wish that everyone did.

The Mountains

2006-07-17T22:30:00.000-04:00

We went to the mountains on Saturday. We went to the Blue Ridge Parkway. It was so nice. We got to spend time together as a family and we didn't rush for once. It seems like everytime we go to the mountains we are always in a rush to get to a destination. We usually go to Skyline Drive but we didn't have our pass so we went to the Blue Ridge which is free. We had no real destination. We drove along and took in the sights. We stopped at a few overlooks. We stopped at a re-created farmstead which the girls loved and had our picnic lunch. We took a hike, a short hike. We didn't finish the trail because it was getting late. Along the trail we saw two does. There was one particular outcropping which had a wonderful view of the mountains. We stopped at this little mountain stream for almost 1/2 hour and just relaxed. The girls played in the water. Kirby and I sat on the little bridge and just talked, watched the girls and enjoyed God's creation all around us. It was so relaxing. We stopped at an overlook to watch the sunset and eat our picnic dinner and then we eventually went home once it began to get dark. It was such a wonderful day. Every time we go to the mountains it makes me want to move there more and more. I think that I was meant to live there. I feel truly at home and at peace in the mountains. It is almost as if I can feel God's presence more in the mountains. I feel like I can slow down and really enjoy life much more than in the city or the suburbs. I get a similar feeling when I visit a rural shore near the ocean or a river. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of modern life and kicking back is something that we all need to do more of, being in a rural setting makes it easier.

I Feel Motivated

2006-07-13T09:58:00.000-04:00

Today I feel extreemely motivated like I have not felt in a long time. I don't know if it is the cooler temperatures (90 instead of 96) or just a good night of sleep ( I only got up once) but I feel like I will be able to get a lot done today. I want to get a lot done today. I want to help Madison finish organizing her room, help Alana clean her room, finish the laundry, tidy up, mop, vaccuum, and clean and organize my bedroom. That will leave tomorrow to clean the bathrooms and start cleaning out Seanna's room and prepare for her arrival in 5 short weeks. Next week after I get home from the SOL Conference I can work on Seanna's room and get it together since the girls are going to be at their Grammy's house Sunday afternoon through Thursday afternoon. Next weekend we will be going to the campground at least one day. Hopefully we can get a camper and stay the entire weekend. After that we will be working our butts off on the downstairs den, utility room and office so that by the time Seanna gets here everything will finally be ready.

My daughter

2006-07-11T22:13:00.000-04:00

My daughter Madison is a very complicated child. Today she has been very out of sorts. She started off ok. I asked her to help her little sister to clean up the toys and she did so without complaint. She even began to help her little sister clean her room. However, after about 10 minutes when my 3 year old stopped cleaning Madison got frustrated with her and just blew up like a little mini teenager. That just set off everything else. Somehow she got upset saying that nobody liked her and everyone paid attention only to little kids. She said "EVERYONE", including a stanger walking her dog on the street said she was weird and didn't like her. We talked and I got her calmed down and then she got upset when I told her we were not going to make a "bird's nest salad" for a couple at church who just had a baby because they might not like it. She says that we never let her do anything and that we always said she was wrong. It was just one episode after another until after I put Alana to bed. She then calmed down and became more like her normal self. I just hope and pray that this is a phase that she will quickly grow out of. It is definately time to start to reading more Christian literature on bringing up children in God's way. I don't want Madison to become like the mini teenager she demonstrated today.

Busch Gardens & Fireworks pics

2006-07-06T22:26:00.000-04:00

More Fireworks

More fun at Busch Gardens!

My niece Amity 16 months, my dear little brother Josh, my wonderful sister in law, Michelle, my daughter Madison, ME, my daughter Alana and my loving husband Kirby.

My niece Amity, 16 months.

FIREWORKS at Busch Gardens!

Me and Michelle, my little sister that I've always wanted.

This is my other beautiful daughter Madison, age 8.

This is my beautiful daughter Alana, age 3.

Too Much To Do And Not Enough Time To Do It

2006-07-06T21:57:00.000-04:00

The day is way too short and I have way too much stuff I need to do and I don't have the energy to get it all done. It is already the beginning of July and I still haven't made as big of a dent in the pile of work I want to do around the house before Seanna is born. I need to finish getting Madison's and Alana'a rooms together and organized and work with them on good clean up habits. I need to get Seanna's room clear of all of the stuff that we have shoved in there temporarily and get the crib set up and the clothes washed and put away and get her room together. I need to finish cleaning and organizing my bedroom and get the baby cradle set up in there. I need to finish washing all of the extra stuff in the utility room and put away. I need to organize my small little section of the office so I can actually work in there. I need to help Kirby clean up the downstairs den and utility room. I need to clean the bathrooms. I need to clean the kitchen again. I need to get the back and front yards cleaned up. I need to get the first two months of school planned out and ready to go. I need to get my stuff together for my susbstitute while I'm out on maternity leave. I need to get the beginning of the school year material ready to go.

There is just so much I want to do and so little time to actually get it done in. In the midst of all of this stuff that needs to get done I want to go to Busch Gardens a couple more times before Seanna is born. This upcoming Sunday we are going to the mountains. I want to find a maternity bathing suit and go to Water Country and the Beach. Seanna will be born in only 6 short weeks. I have to get all of this work done in only 6 weeks!!!! Not to mention my daily obligations like spending time with God and taking care of my family and keeping clean wha I have already cleaned and doing laundry and just spending time with my family. There is just too much to do and not enough time to do it in. At least I have finally gotten my new laptop in order and most of my files transferred from my old computer. I'll at least be able to work on my school work after the girls go to bed.

With God's help and a little luck maybe I'll be able to break out of the funk I've been in. For the past week and a half I've just been without energy or motivation. It is almost as if there are forces moving against me, trying to ensure that I won't get done the stuff I need to get done. My sister in law, Michelle, and my mother in law, Susan, have both offered to help but I'm not even to the point yet where I think that they could help much. Plus, it would be hard for them to actually help me sort and clean stuff. Maybe when I finally get a chance to set up Seanna's room they'll be able to help. My growing belly is making it very hard to sleep and pick up stuff so therefore I have to take a lot of breaks which I am not used to, I've always been a work horse, constantly going. I'm having to learn to pace myself and the pace at which I get stuff done is almost painfully slow. Now that I have ranted and raved I do feel better. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to get more done. I'll think happy positive thoughts and maybe it will happen!

Family Outings

2006-07-04T11:46:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was an adventure but it was a fun adventure. My entire immediate family went to Busch Gardens together. That might not sound like a lot but here is who went. My Mom and Dad, My younger brother Josh, his wife Michelle, their daughter Amity (16 months), my husband Kirby, my daughters Madison (8) and Alana (3) and of course me and my 33 week pregnant body (baby Seanna). So that makes 9 of us all at a very crowded Busch Gardens on a very hazy, hot and humid Virginia summer day. We all have season passes, facilitated by my wonderful parents, but this is the first time that we have all gone to Busch Gardens together at the same time. We met at the front gate until all parties arrived (we weren't the last ones to arrive for once) and bought season passes for Kirby and Alana. Then we made it over to the La Mans racecars. This ride is very nostalgic (and one of the few I was actually able to ride). We all rode on it and my father with his new very nice high tech digital camera took pics of all of us on the cars. This will be the last time we'll be able to ride the cars b/c they are closing the attraction this week. My sentimental Dad wanted to get pics of us on them for old times sake. We took the kids over to the Land of the Dragons so they couls get wet and cool off. My wonderful sister in law Michelle spashed my very hot self with water. She got me soaked. We all had a great picnic lunch together. After lunch we took in Irish Beat (Irish dance show) to cool off. Fields of gold put Alana to sleep. We rode more rides. Kiddie rides for the little ones and big rides for those of us not pregnant. Eventually we made is back out to the parking lot to watch a fantastic fireworks display. Mom and Dad went back in for a show while those of us with tuckered out little ones went home. (I was pretty tired myself) We didn't get on many rides and it was hot and crowded but we had a fantastic time. Nobody lost their tempers, the kids didn't fuss too much and we all enjoyed each others company. It was a truly wonderful and memorable family outing.

Insanity

2006-07-02T20:12:00.000-04:00

There are times when I feel as though I live in a constant state of insanity. The world around me is constantly closing in. Advertisements, radio, television, the net, everything is so overwhelming. In our fast paced world everyone is flying by at lightspeed and does not take into account anything other than the stuff of the world. It is especially challenging for Christians. There is so much, "Sex, drugs and Rock n roll" out there that it is hard not to be tempted by the world and worldly ways.

At our church (Commonwealth Chapel in Richmond,VA www.comchap.com)Pastor Rob is doing a summer series based on Colossians, chapter 3. It is about trying to become more Christlike and not so world and self centered. It is about putting on the garments of the Lord such as Compassion and Love and putting aside the garments of the world such as Lust and Greed. It is somthing that we should all strive for in this insane world. As Christians we need to put on the garments od Yeshua and put aside the garments of the great Tempter. This afternoon we also went to Three Feathers Gathering (http://threefeathers.net) after Commonwealth Chapel. Three Feathers is a Christian gathering of Native American Indians and anyone else who wants to come to study the ways of Creator Jesus. Today Grandmother White Dove spoke of Psalms Chapter 3. In this particular Psalm David is crying out to God the Father for help and protection while surrounded by enemies. He's crying out for protection and he recieves it.

I know it seems kind of odd that I'm writing about two completely different scriptures, one in the old testament and one in the new testament but I do see a link. We are to worship the Lord God our Creator. We are to cry out to Him for protection and guidance and we are to trust in Him and try to be like Him always. God protects his annointed. He protected David among his enemies and he will protect you when you put aside the clothes of this world aside and clothe yourself with the garments of God and trust that God will be there for you.

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-01T11:12:00.000-04:00

I finally got the laptop I have been wanting for years. It is so nice!!!!!

Sorry Babe!

2006-07-01T11:02:00.000-04:00

My temper got the better of me in the last entry. My husband actually does more than I gave him credit for. He does take care of the girls and he tries to keep the house clean. He's there for the family and does lots of what I like to call "guy projects" like building fences and shelves and stuff. He's OK I guess.

I blew up today

2006-01-21T19:52:00.000-05:00

Well, the stress of the disorder of my house finally got to me today. Let me explain, we have a medium size house. It's a split level. On the upper floor are 3 bedrooms, a living room, the kitchen, the dining room and two full bathrooms. Downstairs we have a large "L" shaped den, a full bathroom, a utility room, an office and a playroom. The entire downstairs is completely wrecked. You can't even move in the office, playroom and most of the den. The bedrooms are a total disaster. The upstairs den is barely livable and the kitchen/dining room is ok but not great. My family is living in this disaster. I work full time, 70 hours a week, I'm pregnant, I take care of the kids, I cook and I try to clean and keep the laundry going as best I can. My husband barely lifts a finger and it is mostly his fault that our house has gotten this way! I was just tired of it and I yelled at him like I haven't done in a long time. It felt good and bad at the same time. It felt good to let the frustration out but it felt bad because I didn't mean to be so mean to my husband. He's just a guy and he tries. Plus, he had a lot of financial crap to deal with last week. So all is forgiven. I just hope that we can get this taken care of in the next two weeks because I can't live like this much longer!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-23T13:10:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe that I have already been out of school for a week and I haven't really done anything! I have wasted a whole entire week! I can't even do anything at the house today or Monday because I'm working at my other job. That means I have tonight and tomorrow morning and tomorrow night to get my house together for Christmas on Sunday. My parents, my brother, sister in law, niece and my sister in law's grandparents are all coming on Sunday to my house. My entire downstairs is a wreck, the bathrooms are a wreck. I need to mop the kitchen. I don't even care about the bedrooms and playroom at this point! There is not enough time! I wish that the day was 48 hours long. Maybe then I could accomplish what I need to accomplish. By the time I go back to school on January 2 I want to have the entire house clean and organized, a schedule and chore list established. I'm tired of wasted time and I'm tired of a very unclean, disorganized house. I want more than just a house! I want a home, a home in which I can help my kids and play with them and read in peace after they go to bed without thinking about all of the things I need to do in order to get my life in order. I want my life to be in order, now more than ever. You see, I just found out that I'm pregnant with my 3rd child. I can't live in this disorder any more. My husband and I (especially my husband) need to work on getting the house cleaned and organized NOW!!!!!!!!! I want to be free of this idol. This idol is keeping me from getting closer to GOD and MY FAMILY and it has to STOP NOW. I am to the breaking point. I need GOD to HELP ME and MY FAMILY.!!!!!!!!!!!That is my prayer right now. I pray to the LORD GOD my FATHER, ABBA, HELP ME, HELP KIRBY, HELP MADISON AND HELP ALANA get OUR lives together that we may SERVE YOU!!!! Help us order our house, our physical house, our emotional house and most importantly our spiritual house. Through the LORD my GOD there is strength, if only I depend on HIM not my weak flesh.

Aslan is on the Move

2005-12-10T18:03:00.000-05:00

By the way I highly recommend going to see The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Keep your wits about you and you will see the sacrafice that Jesus made for us wretched sinners. GREAT MOVIE!!!!!!! Aslan aka Jesus is on the Move!

Tis the Season and other stuff too

2005-12-10T17:54:00.000-05:00

I love this time of year. I love the snow. I love the cold. Love Christmas Break!! I love getting together with family and friends and just being together. I love looking at the faces of my children and enjoying their enjoyment as they open presents. I love to look at the lights. I love to think that a little baby boy, born in Bethlehem 2,000 years ago, was brought into this world to save it. Remember why we celebrate Christmas. It isn't just about spending time with family and Santa and getting presents. It is to celebrate the birth of the Lamb of God, the Son, Immanuel, The MESSIAH!

There is so much to be grateful for this time of year. I am a wretched person sometimes. I complain about the condition of my house. I complain about my husband not doing enough. I complain about how I don't have enough time to accompish what I want to get done. I complain too much. I am going to stop complaining and trust that God will help me, my husband and my family get done what we need to get done.

I have to work all day tomorrow at the guard shack but I will make the most of it by getting my school work done and my using my time wisely. I need to start using my time more wisely. I need to do my chores daily. I need to be in bed by 11:00. I need to get Madison in bed by 9:30. I need to make sure that I get up at 5:30 every day, even on weekends. I need to get in touch with my children and my husband more. I need to get in touch with God more.

Everything revolves around God. When I spend time with God life gets better. When I don't make time for God life gets worse. I will spend more time with God and through Him I will get it together. I will not waste time anymore. I will make m life as full and productive as possible - with HIS help.

A New Home

2005-12-04T10:42:00.000-05:00

My family and I went to church together for the first time in a long time last night. We left the Richmond Vineyard Chrisian Fellowship about almost a year ago in search for something else. We decided to check out Commonwealth Chapel in Richmond. I think that we may have found a new christian home. I really like what they believe in and what they want to do in the Commonwealth. They seem to have a wonderful children's ministry and are really reaching out to people. I hope that this church will continue to show promise and continue to feed my family's hungry soul. Everyone needs to have a church community that they belong to that will help to list them up and guide them in the path that Jesus laid out for his people. I think that we have found our guide. Visit them at www.comchap.com. Until next time

Aho!

Family - Can't live with them, Can't live without them

2005-11-26T22:14:00.000-05:00

I have decided to write about my life, not that anyone actually reads this. It's funny how thousands of people are blogging and hardly anybody reads anything that anyone else writes. My life can be so messed up and at the same time my life is wonderful. I have two beautiful, intelligent and creative daughters. I have a decent job. I have a house. I have my wonderful husband. The only problem is that a lot of my family do not like my husband at all. My Father is constantly talking trash about him. My Brother insults him. My Aunt criticizes him. They criticize how we raise our children. It is like I cannot satisfy them. I have spent my entire life trying to satisfy my family.

I'm the oldest out of all of my cousins. I feel like everyone expects me to be perfect. When I began teaching my Husband and I decided that he would stay at home and be with the Girls. We really believe that one of us should be at home and since I have a degree and a better paying job I would work. We also teach our children the Bible, as is. We talk about the Gifts that God has given us. Our older daughter may have a prophetic Gift and when she told her Grandfather he treated it like it was a bad thing. We have a home church and my family feels like we need to go to a "real" church or else we aren't doing it right. They don't have room to talk. I have NEVER seen my Father go to church, my Mother hardly goes and my Brother doesn't even believe in God!

Why can't my family see all that I have done that is positive? Why can't they just have faith in me and my Husband that we are doing it right? Don't get me wrong, I Love my Family!!!! I just wish they would love and accept me for who I am and not what they think I should be.

Living and Learning

2005-10-30T16:44:00.000-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I need to change my life as it currently stands. I want to get my house together. I want to paint my house. I want to completely clean my house and get organized. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to spend more time with God. I want to pursue past loves. I want to learn how to play the violin/fiddle and I want to learn how to play the piano and the guitar and the flute. I want to write poetry and turn it into music. I want to live life and not just go through the motions of living. I want to go up to a mountain top somewhere and play guitar and sing. I want to draw and paint and create jewelry and pottery. I want to pursue phoography. I just wish I could find the time and the means to pursue all that I want to do along with spending time with my family, teaching ad spending time with God. I want to get to know my kids better Life is too short to not experience everything that life has to offer.

The Gathering

2005-10-01T10:45:00.000-04:00

Last night at our Friday night fellowship we had a very special gathering. We meet at Rivendell Christian Fellowship to commune with our fellow Christians and share in the love that we all have for Christ. We had two very special speakers come last night, Grandfather Grey Bear and Grandmother White Dove. They are my family's spiritual grandparents. They spoke to us about ignoring the drugs of the world. I'm not talking about the kind of drugs that you shoot up or snort or smoke. I'm talking about the materialism of the world that people get so wrapped up in. We see the advertising. We see what our neighbors have. We see all of the stuff in the world that is so completely of the world that we get addicted to it like a crack hooked drug addict. We want it so badly that we become addicted to the thought of having it. It takes our focus off of what we need to focus on in these end times. We need to focus on Yeshua, Yahweh, Creator, Jesus!

Think about how much better the world would be if everyone focused on Jesus rather than the stuff of the world. If everyone was addicted to the Word, think about how much better we would be. I know I would be much better off if I focused on him, because I am as guilty as every other sinner in the world of being of the world. I don't want that anymore. I don't want my children to want that. I want to be free of the worldly addiction and become addicted to the Word and the Creator.

Last night we had Ramel and Wanda, Frank, Brian, my husband Kirby and our girls Madison and Alana like we usually have on Friday nights. Two friend's of my husband's and mine came, Jason and Miranda and their little son Liam. When I looked around our downstairs den at the faces around me I saw the very young and the not so young anymore. I saw the experienced Christians and the baby Christians. We all were together learning about the Creator and I thought to myself, this is just the beginning of making the world a better place. If all of us could take just some of Jesus, the anti-drug, out into the world we will make the world a better place.

Thank you Grandmother White Dove for your gift. I will always treasure it.

Until next time,

Aho!

School is good

2005-09-06T21:29:00.000-04:00

Teaching this year has been a blessing so far. Almost all of my students are absolutely wonderful. This will be a great year!

FEMINISTS HAVE RUINED THE WORLD

2005-08-20T10:23:00.000-04:00

Feminists have ruined the world!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equal rights and the rights for women and minorities to have a vote. However, feminists have ruined our modern society. Over the past 100 years, since the beginning of the feminist movement, women in more and more numbers have flocked to the workplace, leaving the care of their precious children to others because they felt like if they didn't work they were failing in modern society. Sometimes family members took care of the children and sometimes neighbors or even perfect strangers.

In today's world most households are a 2 income household where both parents work full time. They just shove off their children to daycare, an INSTITUTION, at only 6 weeks old. Imagine that you are a little baby. All you have known is love and care and warmth and tenderness and then all of a sudden your Mommy is telling you bye and you are left in a strange and un-homelike place with other babies screaming and this stranger looking down at you. How would you feel? All of this for the sake of working! Parents are shipping their kids off to daycare and they are being institutionalized at a very young age. As a result, and you can see it all around you, our society is without morals and values. Parents are not there for their children. Our young people are being allowed to do anything that they want. There are 12 and13 year olds on birth control and having sex. They play violent video games that glorify violence and death and hatred and illegal activity. The music they listen to talks about banging your b...h and selling drugs and doing drugs and that it is alright to do that. The language our young people use would make a seasoned sailor blush. How do I know this? I see it, every day. I teach at a middle school, 8th grade, 13 and 14 year olds. Not all kids are like this and there are enough out there that are good kids to give me some hope for the future. But nothing will change if parents don't start to take more interest and get more involved with their kids.

A note to all parents, both parents do not have to work and the mother doesn't have to be the one to stay home. You can make it on a one income budget, you just need to try. You don't need the big, new, expensive SUV. You don't need thebig screen plasma tv. You don't need the vacation to Hawaii or some other exotic location every year. You don't need fifty pairs of shoes. You don't need the latest trend in clothing. You don't need the huge house that is way out of your means. You don't need all of this extra stuff. You need your kids! Aren't your kids worth it?

Women and mothers, you don't have to prove yourself to the world that you can work full time, have 2.5 kids, a dog, a husband, a house and soccer practice. It is OK to stay at home and be a Mom!

Men and fathers, it's OK for your wife to earn the income and you stay home and watch the kids. Just think of how much your kids will appreciate you being there with them and for them. Be a good role model and love your kids without being afraid to show it!

A note to those parents who do not have a choice about working. I understand, I've been there, and I pray for you that your circumstances will change. Hang in there and be there for your kids as much as you can.

Feminists beware! The tide is changing and you will be washed out to sea!

Parents, Love your children!

2005-08-20T00:22:00.000-04:00

Hello world!

I'm new to blogging and this blog is going to be about my reflections on life, love, happiness and even sometimes sadness. Life is a wonderful journey that the Creator, the Father, YAHWEH has put us on and we need to treat every moment of our lives as if it were the last. Treasure your families. Treasure your husbands and wives. Treasure your parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Treasure your cousins and brothers and sisters.Treasure your children. One day we will leave this realm and meet our Father, Abba, in heaven. Life is to sweet to let idly pass by. Savor it as the ground savors the rain after a drought. Savor life as a blind man would savor a rainbow if he were given sight. Love one another as our Father has commanded. Until we meet again.

AHO!